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Lenaribka

Lenaribka

"We should read to give our souls a chance to luxuriate."

 

~Henry Miller

Currently reading

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Special Forces: Mercenaries Part I - Vashtan, Marquesate 5 HUGE HEARTBREAKING STARS!!!

And THAT were my thoughts at the end of this part...



First I decided to rate Mercenaries Part 1 after reading the Part II, but I changed my mind.
Because I have that strange feeling in my stomach according the second part, name it my sick premonition.

Soldiers took my breath away. There are no words to describe what this book did to me. I was overwhelmed with emotions and intensity of the relationship between Dan and Vadim. I was lost somewhere in the middle space between my real world and the enchanting lines of this cruel, disturbing, stunning and unbelievably beautiful love story, violent and ravishing at the same. I was emotionally exhausted. I was crying reading it...



Mercenaries has another pace, different kind of telling...

I don’t want to compare this two books, it is not fair, because the life goes on and the story goes on and it is not always how we’d like things to be.
I've asked myself many times during reading: how the story might have been if...



What if Vadim wouldn’t have left Dan in Pakistan, what if he wouldn't captured by KGB in Kabul, what if he wouldn’t have run away in Finland...What if...If...If...

I was not less emotionally exhausted as I was after Soldiers. But it was different form of exhaustion. There were not just zillions of IF, there were also thousands of WHY and I have racked my brain with questions even days after I was finished with this part.



Mercenaries Part I is about BEING HURT. About joy. About pain. Not the physical pain. It is about the mental pain. Oh man, I know where my heart beats!..
This part is about life. Strange sometimes and not easy to deal with. It is about DAN and VADIM. I screamed out of despair over the things going on between them, over their inability to communicate, over so many misunderstandings! Dan's unwillingness to forgive and to understand the certain things at the beginning made me sick! And then came Thailand. The best part in the book for me. For this moment, OH GOD, I was longing for it. I wanted them sooo bad to be together that it almost hurt! This moment was worth of all my sufferings, sorrow and pain!..

"Two and half years of pain and hope, fighting and loss. Love, longing, hatred and confusion, all culminating in this, right now, touch, scent and taste. Tearing at fabric, clawing at Vadim's body, knowing each angle and plane, remapping the terrain while desperately trying to feel more. Dan wanted to rip the other open to envelop himself within skin and flesh, until their hearts beat in sync, inseparable. The sounds he made were full of distress, it was too much, wanting everything at once, and couldn't ever get enough."



I think I have never read something like this before. This incredibly addictive combination of lust and pain, love and need, tenderness and power, hate and passion, joy and sadness...This series, this book, this authors deserve much more than 5 stars because of all this deep emotions I am not able to describe...

The second part of Mercenaries ...
I am afraid to read it. Yeah...I need to read it, I want to read it, because I can’t put it simply away, NO WAY!
I am absolutely not able now to give up this deep inner bonding, this almost painful connection to Dan and Vadim and I am so fu*ing scared to lose them, to lose this profound fascination of their amazing love, to lose the magic of the first book, Soldiers!...

I am standing at the door of a very dark and cold room, I don’t know what is inside. I don’t know who is inside. I am just f*ing scared…..



I am an emotional mess at the moment...